The Universal History

The Universal History

What we say is what happened and
We sell history
The past appears just as we write it
For you we can change it all

The Jets win ten straight Super Bowls
Kanye West gets the Nobel (choose which)
Lord Oxford pens Shakespeare’s plays
Stalin loses Stalingrad

Any postman can turn a prince
Every manager an emperor
Gaius Julius Caesar becomes a saddler
Alexander the Greatest sandal maker
We will herald your dynasty
Through future eternity

How does it work? We pay off your gods
Jesus, Zeus, Joseph Smith, Reverend Moon
Offer them a smarter planet
Time away from human problems
Once they’re bribed say what we like

Our rates are cheaper by the century
The Universal History is the future of your past
We can break or make you for forever
All the way to the coming edition
Of your tiny, fragile, flailing universe

Will the future ask what it did wrong?
What shall we write about you?