Up and Down

Up and Down

No warning except loud snaps in my skull
I’d laugh except I’m sobbing
I love every leaf, every blade
Each flake of iridescent fog
I want everyone to feel the rapture
This necklace of miracles surrounding
All elation of being;
The birds see me and flee

Sorrow bests joy in seconds
Mood’s cruising just below hurricane
My hovering head clipped to the wrong body
I look in the mirror but no one looks back

The pairs of black holes don’t scare me
We wave at each other as we have for so long
But the crowds and couples, quarrels and morals
All that white noise flaps through my brain

Somehow it’s safe to feel totally gone
Peace at the bend of a road without end
I think of the birds
Short-lived creatures singing fleeting songs
Envy their musical finish;
The jeweled envelope that surrounds Earth
Carries the haloes of a thousand suns
Each star once was mine

Suicide isn’t murder, really
The nature of all nature is to die
But I can tell you what up and down are like:
When you’re down, there isn’t up
When you’re up, nothing comes down
You just wait for meteors to smack the ground

Sometimes I think my rage pre-recorded
I’m a disc stuck in the same iron groove
I recall the many proper names of love
Hate them all
Humans turn immortal only after they die
Maybe I crave that everlasting

Drugs, talk, doing this before that
I grab at my mood’s razor flip switch
People want to help yet
When you’re high who needs help?
When you’re down nothing counts;
My personal prejudice is for paradox

When I wake up I wonder how many
Minutes or weeks I might stay myself?
Can the people I love suffer this lunatic
One moment loving, next instant vicious
If I can’t stand myself, will they stand for me?

The doctors say I’m immensely better
Switch doesn’t run so hot or cold
But my furious memories never old
Time goes suddenly fast and slow

I need to find that switch and kill it
Make time stop
Make time stop now