How many times can you die in a day?
My heart flutters and clops
I fall to the street, scream for the cops
Drag me like a sack to my ER stop
Lungs fight for air, fingers curl
Stomach itches, twitches, hurls
A yellow-green flood rocks the steel wall
Thank the Lord it’s a bathroom stall
When I finally saw an ER doc
Said my attack was the wrong kind
Not heart but panic
All in my head
How, I laughed? Don’t have one left
I get attacks sitting on a stool
The stink of cold sweat makes me feel fool
I”m sure I’ll die but I don’t
My mind craves the thought
But my body won’t
Panic hits me when I’m dreaming of girls
Floating high on the ceiling
Any hour I’m certain I’ll die
Nobody tells me why
Doctors claimed they could “panic proof me”
Drugs left me thick-crazy
The car wreck nearly as scary
I’m on a different bunch now
Orange, blue, and white pills
Color coded columns on the window sill
Enjoying therapy galore
Begin to think I should start my own store:
Fear, Incorporated
Franchise worldwide
You like horror movies?
I’ll scare you faster
I don’t know why God did this to me, to
Anybody; make you fear breathing
Eating, sleeping, always seething
Stuffed with disgust for yourself
They tell me this is genetic
Though hid in my room I’m frenetic
From bedroom to kitchen to bathroom I roam
Lost all my friends
All sense of safe home
So
If I don’t curse, yell, throw up on you
Will you talk me down?