We come from the stars and shall be stars
Emblazoned across every screen on Earth
Your best saviors ever
Our plan is pervade before invade
So we set up the film “The Last Alien”:
Refugee ETs enlisted by teens and cute dogs
(We add cats) bravely defeat evil insectoids
Mosquito ETs who loudly chitter
Before they ingest any cheerleader
We save Earth, we save humanity and
Ourselves a world of trouble
Once friendly AIs assure the film’s success
Our ships will hover over Rome, Mecca, Huangshan
(New gods should show they’re friends to the old)
In linked global vids we’ll proclaim our goodwill
Helped by grinning actors and talking dogs
Morph in one night from a movie to
The greatest show on Earth
Next we’ll make humans ridiculously rich
Turn everyone sexy and young
Last, promise immortality
We know what you want
Can you take it?
Why bother? The ever annoying Galactic Federation
We need uplift a species every few eons
And you folks really need help
So cue the cameras and greet your future
Limitless, enthralling, incredible!
Remember: what you don’t know can’t hurt you
You’ll never get a chance like this again