If I’ve half a brain
Can the other half be lost and found?

If I’m not yet whole
Can I add parts?
 
If I give 110%
Who gets the last 90?
 
If I give 1000%
Can I become ten people?
Will they be like me, or better?
 
If I’ve half a mind to let you know my mind,
Can I think with the last third?
 
If he’s half the man he was
Is she less than half the woman she wasn’t?
 
If you’re three fifths of a man,
Does two of you make a whole soul?
 
If an arm and a leg costs too much,
Is a quarter arm and leg too frugal?
 
If I’m well armed,
Might I use more than two legs?
 
If my heart is filled with joy,
Does it weigh more?
Can a scale tell?
 
If you broke my heart in half,
Am I forever half hearted?
 
Is the bottom of my heart
Steeper than the top?
 
If the whole world’s in his hand
How far can he throw an eighth?
Three quarters of a football field?
Less than a foot?
 
In the half light of day
Will I see the whole picture?
 

AIs are often asked to explain humanity to humans through simplified metrics:
 
Infinity – Infinity = Infinity
 
Musician – Lover = Homeless
 
Known Unknowns = the Past, Most Truths, Love
 
Unknown Unknowns = God, Soul, The Matrix, Most Futures
 
Known Knowns =  Television, Hurricanes, Divorce, Frostbite
 
Ambition times Self Importance = Business Success (American data only)
 
(Fantasy + Distraction) times (Money) – Truth = Political Success
 
Art + Marketing + Attractiveness = Gallery Representation
 
Kitsch + Shtick +Marketing = Film Awards
 
Movies – (Disney + SF) = film
 
Me >> You = academic tenure (promotion at other job sites)
 
Age + Experience + Maturity  = Declining influence and income
 
Randomness – Luck = Fate
 
History – Individual = History (most reporting periods)
 
If Nothing is greater than Infinity, then 0 = 0 (reductive case)
 
Forgetting divided by Self Delusion = Hope
 
Myopia + Amnesia + Desire = Romance
 
(Hope + Proximity) divided by Loneliness = Love (intensity varies by region)
 
Health Insurance + Unexpected illness = Poverty (American data)
 
Car costs + Student loans – Parental support = Bankruptcy
 
(Confusion + Forgetting + Optimism) – Effort  = Living  (Majority Case)
 
Laughter +Randomness – Effort = Living  (Minority Case)
 
What You Don’t Know >> What You Think You Know > What You Should Have Known = Future Planning
 
Martian Water + Evaporation = Clean Air
 
Evolution + Revolution – Survival = The Past
 
Fiction > Reality (varies by historian)
 
End of History = Post History (disputed)
 
Death > Life = the Future (varies by simulation)
 
History – Humanity = Posterity (not fully studied)
 
Nothing < Nothing = Final Memories  

Time divided by Absence = Immortality  

Universe – Dark Energy – Dark Matter = History of Physics  

Past > Present = Conservatism
 
Future >> Present = IT (proprietary data)
 
AIs > Humans = Near Inevitable
 
Some of the above equations have unprovable assumptions; the reader is requested to create her own equations
 

Mathematics is not a language but a place
That place is where I work
As first principal of the School of Practical Amazement
Every pupil finds their special need
 
Many arrived after desperate sex when
The mothers of invention
Joined the fathers of necessity
Producing children of frivolity
 
Their grandparents thought them too wise to be born
They’re still wrong
 
Students compete to build joyful chaos
Class prizes awarded in play units
Infinitely divisible but never smaller
 
Today one made heaven from a grain of sand
We spiced it with anise and ate it for lunch
Soon she’ll peel pasta from oceans of waste
Perfect for convenience salads
 
Beginners create new sports and toys
Intermediates progress to civilizations
Seniors churn out planets
Not all great, but fun to make
The failures recycled to stardust
 
Our best graduate to universe-making
A tough market since the lack of new dimensions
The unemployed dabble in cosmic jokes
A few volunteer for idea mining
 
I’ve too much work but great vacations
Visit Imaginary Cities
Crash down to crawl dingy streets where
Pawnshops turn palaces
Nuclear fuel dumps become Art Galleries
Cooking zero calorie feasts for the eye

Their box lunches for the mind
Priceless masterpieces
Cooperatively owned by any for all
 
I love this job more than sex
But yearn for routine time-travel
I’ll copy myself so I can retire
Become a play-writing sheriff in a small western town
Every saloon a six-star restaurant
 
Why can’t others live like this?

If my father never met my mother
Would I have loved my brother?
 
If good things happen to bad people
What happens if the good act badly?
 
What will the papers write tomorrow
When no ink’s left for the press?
 
As people keep talking to the dead
What are their partners thinking?
 
If there were only questions
Who would find the right answers?
 
When the next war is no war
What was the last war like?
 
If dawn is stopped by an eclipse
Who gets to keep the shadows?
 
Were I to remember everything
What would I first fail to forget?
 
When Earth is the only intelligent planet
Who will listen to our TV transmissions?
 
If souls can retire
Who controls their pension plans?
 
What happens when you’re sure of nothing
Then everything happens?
 
If crowds create creativity
What can single people do at night?
 
Why when I knew better
I was always younger?
 
If I fear myself
Who should I pretend to scare?
 
If charity loves company
Does wealth lead to loneliness?
 
When you jump from a building
Does time fly up or down?
 
Where dogs have no masters
Who controls cats?
 
If Proust went on a game show
What would he write if he won?
 
When photos become memories
Who recalls what they did not see?
 
If I don’t resemble my parents
Could my parents resemble each other?
 
When I fall into the abyss
Can I reach for the sky?
 
If good pursued evil
Who might date truth?
 
If a moment goes on too long
Can time stop and start again?
 
If you already know too much
Will too little suffice?
 
If I can’t laugh at myself
Who will laugh for me?